can I oversleep my way out of this?
I hate going to church. My main forms of protest are oversleeping (works 80% of the time), taking absurdly long to do my makeup & hair and refusing to sing.
I'm not a part of a "fire and brimstone" denomination. I don't even think I would be punished for not believing in God. The horror comes from thier desire to strip people like me of thier agency (maybe that is a punishment in itself). They simply cannot accept that someone doesn't believe, and it makes me want to scream.
Overcompensation is killing me. Hard work is my only method of camoflage, and they reap the benefits. I'm on three different committees, and it would have been four if I didn't put my foot down.
Naturally, these committees are supposed to milk me of my "God-given talents", which obviously includes childcare, because I'm a woman, despite the fact that I'm too practical and sensitive to chaos -- to the point where I feel ill (I'm hiding out in a locked room from children as I write this).
The banality of church small talk is excruiating (and I enjoy small talk & I'm good at it). "Amen" and "Praise Jesus" just flowing out of everyone's mouths. It makes my skin crawl.
I'm most terrified of "Youth" Group and Youth Sabbath School. Most of the people my age ran off during COVID (lucky), so they're scraping up the part of the church population that doesn't have crows feet around thier eyes yet.
Last time my church did a youth thing, it traumatized me. It's been six years and I still feel sick over the way I was treated in the fall out.
I just hope I can oversleep my way out of this.